guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Non-Jews are for practice
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
