I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
