I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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