What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize