Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
