Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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