Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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