Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
