You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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