My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
