first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
