also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
