I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
