i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
