I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
