Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
