I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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