So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize