addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
