I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
