is your mom at the bar?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
