don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
