Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
