Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
