I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
