the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
