I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
