Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(304): View more from West Virginia

remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?

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(352): View more from Florida

So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.

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(574): View more from Indiana

its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.

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(607): View more from New York

Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me

(781): View more from Massachusetts

dont be selfish, show some boob

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(630): View more from Illinois

And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."

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(205): View more from Alabama

You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website

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(817): View more from Texas

Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.

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