Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
