I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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