if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
