i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
