I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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