seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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