If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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