why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
