just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
