I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
