You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
