I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
