I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
