Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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