WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
