i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize