Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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