hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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