yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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