She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
