that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
