My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
