You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize