just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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