Screwed.edu
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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