I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
