Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
