I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
