you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
