Is it normal to miss your booty call?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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