Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
