escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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