If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
