I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
