whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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