What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize