Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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