I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
