cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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