Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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