atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
