The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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