i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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