I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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