Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
