Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
