i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
