you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
