i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
