The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
