C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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