Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize