i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
