Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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