Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You are a genius and a whore.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
