I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
