I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
my sisters under your porch take her home
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
