Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize