I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
