So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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