She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
