I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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