we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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