meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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