I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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