Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
