one two three fourrrrnication!
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
